Christian Cooper

Bagging groceries at HEB. Non-Texans don’t know but HEB is the GOAT of grocery stores and any Texan would die on that hill.

I like to write stand-up comedy and am currently working towards condensing a set to perform at a stand-up show called KillTony.

Playing CoolMathGames when the teacher wasn’t looking and receiving promo discs from AOL when the internet was priced “per hour”

Teleportation. I can’t handle anymore airline fees and flight delays.

I bring a uniquely strong profile of coachability, strong rapport-building skills, and the strongest beard on the team.

The AI assistant bot on the Chase App telling me I’ve been pre-approved for a new credit card with free travel points.

Not yet! Currently talking my girlfriend into letting me get an Axolotl (the hardest sell of my career so far).

Thailand. Living by the beach, training Muay Thai, and most importantly having an >10x currency exchange-rate to live like a king every day.

I’ve never assisted in a net-new site launch, unless you count the HTML on my old Myspace page